I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
