I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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