doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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