I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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