he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
