The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
