btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
