There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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