Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
