i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
