idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
