This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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