I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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