You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
