We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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