He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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