So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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