Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
