I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
