Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
