i jhust puked up my retainher.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
