I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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