hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
