Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
