you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
