I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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