I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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