he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
