Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
