My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
