i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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