when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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