Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
