dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize