The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
