You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
