She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
