at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
