I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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