she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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