yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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