and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
