he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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