hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
