she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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