I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
