ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
