this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
