She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize