I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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