grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
