I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
