why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize