true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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