Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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