the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
