What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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