Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
