this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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