I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
