That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
