guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
