I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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