Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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