my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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