this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
