you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
