There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
